The silent struggle of siblings — and how to help them feel seen

Siblings of children with developmental delays are often remarkably empathetic, mature, and resilient. But behind that maturity, many carry complicated feelings they don't know how to express: jealousy over the attention their sibling receives, guilt about that jealousy, worry about their sibling's future, and sometimes embarrassment they immediately feel terrible about.

All of these feelings are normal. And the best thing you can do is make space for them without judgment. When a sibling says, "I wish my brother was normal," try not to correct the feeling. Instead, acknowledge it: "It sounds like you're having a hard time with how different things are. Tell me more." The feeling needs to come out before it can be worked through.

Practical steps that help: Schedule one-on-one time with each child, even if it's just 15 minutes of undivided attention. Let the sibling know that their needs matter too — not just when there's a crisis. Give them age-appropriate information about their sibling's condition so they can answer questions from friends. Not knowing what to say when someone asks "Why does your sister do that?" is isolating.

Consider sibling support groups — organizations like the Sibling Support Project run "Sibshops" where siblings meet other kids in similar situations. There's enormous relief in discovering you're not the only one who sometimes resents having to be "the easy kid." And please, don't assign them the role of caretaker. They can love their sibling fiercely without it becoming their responsibility.