The way out is to stop pushing it down

How do you actually remove the thorn? Singer's method is deceptively simple and counterintuitive: let go. When stored pain gets stirred up and rises toward the surface, the habitual move is to suppress it, distract yourself, or blame the trigger. Instead, Singer says, relax and release.

The key insight is that a triggered emotion is actually blocked energy trying to complete its passage and leave. If you stay open and let it move through you — without resisting, indulging, or acting it out — it discharges and is gone. If you tense up and push it back down, you re-store it for next time. So the person or event that 'triggers' you is really doing you a favor: they're bringing your stuck energy up for release.

This is why Singer insists there is nothing more important than staying open. The practice is to feel the disturbance, notice yourself wanting to close, and instead lean back into the seat of awareness and let it pass. Do this consistently and the old samskaras dissolve one by one.